After 2 years of not drawing.

Hey, guys.

This drawing is after 2 years of not drawing.

It's from an anime, blue exorcist. It's an old anime but I still like it.

This is from one of the scenes.

You said, And now?

You said you'll be here. 

For me and whenever I am down.

When I need a shoulder to cry on.

And now, where are you?

You said you are tired. 

Too tired to talk.

Yet, you promised to make an effort. 

But now, where are you?

You said you are getting busier.

Don't have time for me. 

And then you go on twitter and facebook chatting with people.

It's fine. But what about me?

You said you are working hard. 

Trying to save money so you can see me. 

And now you are out there somewhere doing whatsoever. 

That's all fine. But how about me?

You said all that 

You promised all that

And then your heart is not here at all. 

So what's the point?

And now I know you lie. 

Now I know you betray. 

Now I know you hurt.

Now I know you are nothing. 

I am not crying.

I am not tearing down. 

I am not breaking up.

I am not falling apart. 

BUT I am standing.

BUT I am walking

BUT I am flying

BUT i am alive.

NOW I am walking away.

NOW I am leaving.

NOW I am crushing.

NOW I am stepping on top of you. 

For I know I hurt you before 

Therefore it is fair you do the same. 

And now it's fair and square. 

I shall leave. 

Past, present, future

Hey guys, been a long time since I was here (again). But I brought a lesson for you all today.
If you keep staying in the past, you are holding into yesterday.
You aren't willing to let it go yet.
You still want to have what you had yesterday.

If you are in the present, you are aware of what is happening around you.
You know what is going on.
You won't be lost.
You know what you want to do.

If you are in the future, you are worrying over tomorrow.
You think of nothing but tomorrow.
You worry for what may come tomorrow.

Now let me tell you this:
The past is gone.
It won't come back.
It's just a memory for you to keep.

Not for you to brag and linger on the old days.

The present IS now.
The now is what you have in hand right now.
The now is what you can only have and enjoy.
The now is what creates tomorrow.

Now the future is nothing to be worried about if you have planted the good seed today.

The future is tomorrow.

If you have so much I'm your plate to eat, how are you going to take more if you are only given one plate?

If your cup is already full, how are you going to contain more tea?

If you are already bloated, how are you going to stuff more good into you?

The past is something we keep in our memory bank. And by that I do not mean that you consistently think about it. That is staying in the past.

The present is what you cherish. This now I'd what you have in hand.

This now is what you create for tomorrow.

This now is the time for you to learn and enjoy.

The future is beyond today.

It is not for you to think about until you reached tomorrow.

Tomorrow has it's own worries.
Deal with today and forget about tomorrow.
When it is tomorrow, then we think about it.

You are you

You can never be anyone else but you. No matter how hard you try to change. No matter how much you changed. You will always have that 1% unlike them.

People change to become their role model.
People change to look like their idols.
People do ANYTHING to be someone else but themselves.

Why?

Because they think that they have to be like them.
They take their role model into account that they have to be like them.
Nelson Mandela or mother Theresa are both good role models.
But no one can be like them.
Why?
Because no one can be replaced.

No one is replaceable.
No one can be represented.
No one can be someone else whom they are not born to be.
So why not just be yourself?

Why not just be the unique you?

Because some of us are lacking confidence in ourselves that we don't think we are good enough.

We think that our role model are better.
We think that we have to be like them to be accepted.

NO.

Everyone is accepted in the society once they are born.
Everyone is already part of the society when they are born.
Everyone IS the society once they are born.

Just like one of the sentence in Eminem's lyrics in his song "Beautiful"

He said that
"God gave you these shoes to put you in. So just put them on and wear it. Be yourself man. Be proud of who you are."

So just be yourself and be proud of it.
Because you never know that one say you might lose yourself because you are trying too hard to be someone else.

Farewell.

My body, statued to the ground.
My mind, replaying things over and over again.
My soul, trembling without knowing what to do.
My heart, cracking, piece by piece.

Little did I know, you'd say those words.
Little did I know, you'd mean those words.
Little did I know, you'd own those words.
Little did I know, you'd leave me forever.

You told me, you won't leave.
You told me, you would stay.
You told me, such beautiful lies.
You told me, such painful promises.

In the end, I am left here on my own.
In the end, I am the one who fought.
In the end, I am the one who cared.
In the end, I am the fool.

Such a fool I am, to wait for you.
Such a fool I am, to listen to you.
Such a fool I am, to bid away advises.
Such a fool I am, to help you through.

No regrets, do I have for meeting you.
No pain, do I feel after letting you go.
No cracks, do you left behind on me.
No tears, do you earn from my eyes..

And now, you're gone.
And now, I'm free.
And now, you're lost.
And now, I've found my way home.

Incomplication

I had a dream that was repeated for two times. It goes like this:

I was a ruler of my own kingdom. I have gates and guards by my kingdom gate that guards everyone who enters and leaves my kingdom.

My kingdom is separated from the world. It was called 'The Kingdom of Joy'. There were no tears shed. No harms done to anyone. The whole kingdom lead a peaceful life. A life that everyone wished and asked for.

Every morning I would walk in the streets and smile at the citizens of my kingdom. Everyone that saw me passed by would say "Hail the Ruler of Joy." I did not asked them to do so and told them that they don't have to do so. But they insist on saying so. I have no choice but to let it be.

Everything was complete. Everyone was complete. Everywhere was complete. Nothing is left out. No one is left out. Nowhere is left out;. Everyone belongs somewhere.

Except for I.

Although I have everything that I could ask for but then I still feel incomplete. I don't know why. I have my family. I have a baby coming on the way. But something is always missing. I have no idea what it was.

One day, everything starts to tumble down. Everyone was panicking. When I went to look for my partner, he was holding my baby, with a knife on his other hand.

I rushed over to him but he stepped away. Threatening that if I come any closer, he would kill my only newborn child. I asked what he wants. He said that to let the other side come over and rule this place. He also said that he wants my position and he wants me dead.

The sound of it is terrifying enough but I can't do anything about it. I told him that I would let him take over my position and rule over my kingdom if he promised to keep it a land of joy and my child alive. After I made that promise, he threw my child to aside. And left me there falling to my knees onto the ground.

After I got back my own consciousness, I ran to the gate and jumped into the bridge that separates the both worlds. I was holding a sword in my hand. Ready to jump out of the water anytime to fight for my own kingdom because I know that he would never keep his words.

And the rest of the story is changed...

Socializing

Hey guys!

Just to let you know I am starting my instagram to do a lesson a day on it. So if you are interested. My instagram is (lefreakinmusic) and I also have twitter account with the same username okay? So just follow me if you are interested and I will be sure to follow you back!

Love yall!

Hey guys..

Hey there everyone who is reading this post.

It's been like 3 months I have turned into a 17 year old grown lady now. And I just felt that I should be more active here.

As you all should know, I am currently studying A levels for my college years. And the college itself turns out to be great!

The people are friendly, as in they are willing to let you into their school life story. You just have to sit there and if they talk to you, soon they will all start telling you about what happened last year and how was school before you came.

It's the complete opposite of what I would have thought. Because many people says that the school is bad and everything. But then when you go to the school itself. it is not like what people says. That's why never listen to rumors.

In A levels, I am taking economics, mathematics (pure and statistics). chemistry, and biology. This is because I like all the subjects and I don't have English to take. IF I take English, then I would have to stop taking maths because it is against maths...

But oh well, maths is good too. at least I can do other subjects with it.